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koobaxion:

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

I asked my ex, now good friend, if she would ever have an open relationship and she said, “No, I don’t think I could do that” then after a pause and a smile, “but what about love affair friendships?” She went on to describe an impenetrable fortress of female friendship, her own group of best mates who’d known each other since school and had supported and loved each other through almost all of their lifetimes. They sounded far more bonded to, and in love with one another, than their respective husbands. It struck me that we don’t have the language to reflect the diversity and breadth of connections we experience. Why is sex the thing we tend to define a relationship by, when in fact it can be simple casual fun without a deep emotional transaction? Why do we say “just friends” when, for some of us, a friendship goes deeper? Can we define a new currency of commitment that celebrates and values this? Instead of having multiple confusing interpretations of the same word, could we have different words? What if we viewed our relationships as a pyramid structure with our primary partner at the top and a host of lovers, friends, spiritual soul mates, colleagues, and acquaintances beneath that?
Rosie Wilby, “You’re More Polyamorous Than You Think” (via foutue)

(Source: sodisarmingdarling)

pocketfulofgeek:

okaywork:

it’s funny when british people are like “how do americans live without X food item” because they literally have the worst tasting food out of every country in the world they literally eat baked beans on toast

Says the nation who think Hershey’s is good chocolate?

Oh man, I brought a bag of Hershey’s kisses with me to Europe and I made all the European Right People eat them. The best reaction was heckhound, who nearly fell over choking and coughing and spit it out in disgust. Hilarious. <3
(Fun fact: Several other people ate them happily, saying they tasted like Christmas chocolate that had gone kind of stale.)

  • Me:

    *playing Tomb Raider*

  • Grandmother who is visiting for the weekend:

    Mind if I sit with you?

  • Me:

    *squirming slightly because there is gore and swearing in this game and my grandmother is a sweet old lady: Um, if you want to.

  • Grandmother:

    *sits* Thank you, dear.

  • Me:

    *continuing to play for about five minutes*

  • Grandmother:

  • Grandmother:

  • Grandmother:

    LOOK OUT THERE ARE THREE COMING DOWN THE HILL

  • Grandmother:

    THAT WAS POINT BLANK HOW ARE THEY ALIVE

  • Grandmother:

    OOOHH YOU MADE THAT EXPLODE

  • Grandmother:

    STOP KILLING MY GRANDDAUGHTER

  • Grandmother:

    KILL THEM KILL THEM ALL

  • Grandmother:

    OHHHHH YOU SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD OHHHHHHHHH

  • Grandmother:

    RUN RUN RUN YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE RUN

  • Grandmother:

    OKAY NOW KILL THEM ALL

  • Me:

    *slowly turns to look at her* Grandma

  • Grandmother:

    *sweet smile* Hmm?

  • Me:

    Grandma oh my god

  • Grandmother:

    *more smiling* Well, hurry up and kill everyone else, I want to see you save this Sam person.

  • Me:

  • Me:

  • Grandmother:

    Kill them.

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